Why am i here ?

credit Adree Chan

Friends, you may be wondering what is this article about. First and foremost this post is for anyone who has lost their way in life doing meaningless work, feeling unfulfilled, indeed, not being at one with their true self. According to ancient tradition, the 3 great aims of human life are: to find your true self, accepting life and death, and lastly, saving others. Ironically, once we have become our true self, the true insight is actually “emptying” our self – that is, understanding the nothingness of reality and our existence. Thus, what we are striving for, is to be at peace with ourselves. The most important aim is to ultimately help others in society. We can’t deny the fact that there are indeed people who are suffering at work, be it a big company or a small organization. Perhaps they don’t like the work culture, the work itself, their colleagues, or simply, they just felt like they were dying on the inside.

credit Ji Eun

Clearly, amid the rat race, my deprivation was not just material, it was also mental and emotional. I started to produce content about the books that I have read, not for self-glorification, but because I hope that viewers can benefit from the content I produce. As it was so true that books restored my soul, I also hoped to share the nuggets of wisdom I have found from age-old classics. I also started painting very regularly as it was very soothing. In the past, I’d admire paintings on Instagram, but I never made an effort to execute on doing it myself. Hence, I also learnt that rather than always admiring what others have or trying to attain a certain societal standard.

This was what happened to me after I graduated from university. I hadn’t planned out my career properly and just tried out roles without thinking too much. I was also suffering from studying a discipline that was not of my choice. Unknowingly, I let my life be defined by parental pressures and others’ expectations. I guess the tipping point came when I started feeling guilty after selling insurance in consumer banking. I was young and I didn’t know a lot of stuff. Looking back, I guess it didn’t feel good to sell because you don’t know if it’s something that people truly need or want. Then, I floated along in a contract role in one of the world’s largest tech companies. The culture was not easy to thrive in, unlike what many people think.

credit Adree Chan

To me, it felt so meaningless as I was being given very routine work to do, underprioritized, and it was clear that there was no career progression in mind for me. Suffice to say, I felt marginalized and my self-esteem took a hit.

What I learnt about these less than ideal work experiences were that – in the larger scheme of things, your job is not your life and we shouldn’t let it erode our values or self-esteem. It’s always best to think carefully about any work we take on – whether it best fits our future goals, values, and whether it fulfils us. Doing work that you don’t like can be highly degrading and degenerating for your soul. It’s also a surefire way to ensure a lack of financial sustainability. After all, why would you be able to earn money doing something you don’t like or are not good at. We should start thinking about what we want instead of thinking about what we don’t want. 

credit Adree Chan

Having said that, how can we create a fate we want, or how can we earn money in ways that produce the most satisfaction. During my sabbatical, I kept reading up on literary classics and about life in general. I loved reading as a child, and this was a real salve for me. I just felt that there must be something wrong because I kept slipping into depression.

Why not try to do something for yourself that is uniquely you, or find ways in which you can incorporate a new practice into your life. I never got around to painting because I was looking at large, complex paintings by classical painters. Deep down within my awe was a belief that I could not paint like them. But the question is, why do I need to emulate them? Shouldn’t painting be a deeply personal and reflective activity? After all, the art you produce is a reflection of your inner self. Thus, when I finally decided to start on the painting, I threw away all my limiting beliefs such as “art is only for rich people”, or “I don’t have time for things that don’t help my career”. I sometimes even made up my own poems expressing my feelings about a classical painting I liked –  a work of my own which pays tribute to the past, and engages the audience in mutual appreciation through the senses. When I paint, I am trying to heal and restore my soul. It’s not about trying to create the most perfect and beautiful work of art out there. 

I guess what I want to say is that it all begins with loving yourself, accepting yourself, and helping others do the same too. The media often shows us perfect people. But, let us remind ourselves that these are just images. Perhaps they are designed to earn more followers or drive more revenue. Who knows? I am now clear that the only way forward to evolve as a human being in life is not just wealth and status accumulation. Of course, if you genuinely feel that you desperately need to get rich, by all means, please go ahead. It’s just that if you feel that you have reached the point whereby you are violating your values or violating others, do take a step back to re-analyze your life before you continue any deeper into the rabbit hole. I have been trying all sorts of new activities to develop myself spiritually. I have decided that a boundless mindset starts from exploring what we have always wanted to do. Only then, can I bring my real talents and strengths to the marketplace, and also show others the way by helping everyone to realize that there is a space for everyone’s true and positive self to emerge. “Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.
― Rumi

Written by : Rachel Tan